By, Dr. Kerris Dillon
If I wasn’t in pure survival mode, I’d be in tears. Mike (my husband) and I just returned from the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) doctor and found out Mike has severe hearing loss in one ear and moderate hearing loss in the other. I asked a multitude of questions only to find out that Mike’s earbuds, which I have been asking him for years to turn down were the culprit. I can’t help, but to be pissed at Mike as well as the inventors of earbuds. When I got home, I gathered my children together and took away their earbuds immediately.
My husband is 41 years old. 41!!!!!!! I feel bad for lecturing him the minute we left the clinic, but damnit this didn’t have to happen. I’ve heard from so many wives that have been telling their husbands for years to do this or do that, but to no avail. Do our husbands think that we enjoy nagging and bitching? I told Mike there is a reason that I nag and bitch because I told him this was going to happen and he completely ignored it. Now, we have to pay for expensive hearing aids that he might or might not wear and his kids are going to have to scream in order for him to hear them. This not only impacts him, but it impacts those around him including his children.
I can reflect on some of my own behavior that isn’t the best that I’d like to change and I think about this each and every day that I make decisions. Why isn’t this the same for others? When I teach psychology, there is a statistic that I find very interesting!!! Men that are single (neither in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship) are at a 250% higher risk of death than are men in a relationship. This is directly correlated to the fact that married men or men in relationships have partners that force them to go to the doctor and attempt to take care of themselves. Many of the women that I’ve worked with describe how this often leads to feelings of resentment or a want for the marriage to end because of it.
I would love to understand why there seems to be this difference between men and women? Is it because mothers tend to take care of their sons, but teach their daughters to advocate better for their own self-care? Is there something in the brain of men that is different from women when it comes to health and well-being? I guess I would love to find out if it is genetically related or if it is learned? I watch my boys dismiss what I ask them to do whereas if my husband asks them to do something, they generally comply. It is all so strange to me and frustrating. I understand why so many women get to later life and just give up on their partners and focus on their own career and friendships more. I find myself continuously burned out by all the needs of the men in my household and how little they are able to observe and reflect upon their own bodies. Any feedback from the blog world would be wonderful and welcome!